we have pet lesbian snakes
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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