I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
