It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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