If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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