Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
