i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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