omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
