yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
