First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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