i need an iv and a liver transplant
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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