I hate all girls vehemently.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
