After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
