Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize