I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
