Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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