She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
