I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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