woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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