I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
