You're my little dorito
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize