yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
