Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
