OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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