She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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