Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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