Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize