i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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