ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
