sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
