u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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