i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
