Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
