Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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