3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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