If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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