i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
