its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
