i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
