Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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