my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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