omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
