mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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