I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Randomize
