so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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