I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
