You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She told me I should be a condom model.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
