Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
