i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
