so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
