6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
