He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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