Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
