Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
