GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
zippers are such a cool invention
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
