1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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