We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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