Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
