I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
