I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
