And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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