It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
