My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My friends, they love my intelligence
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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