A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
