is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
