I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
