we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
