His pubic hair was longer than his dick
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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