You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
