3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize