Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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