you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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