Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize