so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So many bounce houses so little time
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
