you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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