I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
