woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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