so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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