Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just found puke in my bra..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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