I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
