my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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