So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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