I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
