I swear god or herbie drove my car home
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
