i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
