I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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