ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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